Hope
A vast expanse of empathy, compassion, hope for every man, woman, and child in my heart to drink from but not even a drop for myself. It is not without limit, however, if it were, I still would not know the taste. I lay there on the shore reminding myself others must drink first, encouraging them in fact. Riddled with guilt, shame, and disgust whenever wavering from my resolve and even for barely entertaining the idea of being famished. Punishing myself for fantasizing about how refreshing it might be. Gas lighting myself into believing that I don't need the same things as everyone else. It is there in front of me barely an arm's length away, it is my lake, but instead I perish on the embankment. I've come to realize that I've had an inner mantra that I've quietly repeated to myself for years: I can not feel. I can not want. I can not live my life how I want to live it. I can not be happy unless it is happiness for others. I can not do anything without the inte
